Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Iron Man, Revenge of the Nerds & My Top 5 Anticipated Summer Films

Two blog updates in one day. Shit!

My afternoon today was spent watching the classic film
Revenge of the Nerds, which I can now whole-heartedly endorse. A man named Ogre screaming "Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!" is reason enough for me to give it the thumbs-up.
I felt that my viewing of Revenge of the Nerds was a back-to-the-drawing-board experience after the viewing of my first summer blockbuster this year, Iron Man. A couple nights ago, I experienced John Favreau's Iron Man, the first big blockbuster film of the 2008 season. As a regular visitor to RottenTomatoes.com, I had taken notice that with 93%, Iron Man was the best reviewed movie of the year thus far.

I sat in my seat and experienced 2 hours of...good? It was good. But 93% good? I'm a very spiteful bastard, so I wasn't convinced. The film seemed to have a very healthy diet of comedic moments that all worked very well, an effective (yet drawn-out) origin story, some great performances (Downey Jr. of course) but the final act seemed thrown together with archaic simplicity.

Curse Favreau for not letting Jeff Bridges sip on a White Russian. C'mon man. Fuck it, dude let's go bowling.

Oh, and what the shit was Terrence Howard doing there for three minutes of screen time? He was in fucking Hustle & Flow!

It felt all sorts of wrong, but it was still pleasing. Perhaps I should just shut up.

I can't blame a critic for recommending this film, but I myself would recommend holding onto your cash for another blockbuster. Indiana Jones perhaps, which will probably be just as hollow but the nostalgia alone will make it worthwhile.

Today, it was back to the basics: Revenge of the Nerds. Say what you will about the quality of the film, I needed something casual with a little bit of flare; which is what Iron Man was, except wrapped up in a giant box with big bows and pretty paper on it.

And now for something completely different:


#5: The Happening
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
I watched the trailer, and goddammit! I swore I was done with M. Night, but this movie looks effing great. I am ready to spend time with this movie, but I won't be surprised to walk out of the theatre wanting my time back. Coming out June 13th, happy birthday to me!

#4: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro
Guillermo Del Toro? Yes please. Ron Perlman? But of course. That plus add the fact that Del Toro said that if Hellboy 2 does enough business, the third Hellboy will see him defending the earth against 21st century Nazis. YES.

#3: Hamlet 2

Directed by Andrew Fleming (?)
The poster is pretty shitty, but watch the effing trailer anyways. If you liked Waiting For Guffman, this should fuel your hate thespians that much further. Rock me, rock me sexy Jesus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACSlH9PSo7g

#2: Pineapple Express

Directed by David Gordon Green

I've enjoyed the majority of the past Apatow Productions films, but this one seems to be friggin' amazing. Superbad meets Fargo.

#1: The Dark Knight
Directed by Christopher Nolan

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Brazilian Winter

Exactly one week into my vacation in Brazil and I am finally experiencing my first day of nothing. I just spent an hour cleaning my keyboard with a toothpick and a q-tip. Here is an excerpt:

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ccccccccccccccccccxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcccccc ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbcvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvcccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccxxx

Kristin is fully occupied nursing a hangover that she acquired drinking caipirinhas, a fruity drink (fruity in taste, not sexual preference).

I call this piece Kristin vs. Caipirinhas...

Thus far, every day has been pleasantly jam-packed with tourist duties assigned by my Father with his carefully crafted itinterary.

Yesterday, we took a pair of cable-cars to the top of Sugarloaf mountain where you can enjoy a mind-blowing view of Rio de Janeiro.

While we were atop Sugarloaf, I borrowed my Father’s tricked-out Panasonic still camera, which I discovered takes some pretty awesome photos.

Here is my first endeavour into wildlife photography (click for larger pictures)…

Right now it's Winter in Brazil, which doesn't neccessarily matter because it's still 25 degrees outside. Everyone walks around with sweaters and looks at us like we're retarded as we walk to the beach. The only downside is that it gets dark around 5:30pm, and the streets of Rio after dark are nowhere for a gringo to be.

That's about all for now, I've been sitting at the computer for about 2 hours now, and I am in need of some fresh air. Expect a video podcast from myself later on this week.

For now, check out the new trailer for Parker Porkham Supernatural Detective (directed by Sam Fisher) below...

Tchau gringos.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

GlenJM vs. NYC

Oi everyone, Glen Matthews reporting from Brasil. I’m laying in a bed in the mountains of Petropolis, Rio De Janeiro and letting my brain melt. I thought I would catch you up on the progress of my vacation: things are good.

But let’s take a step back, shall we?

On our way down to Brasil, we (myself and my lady-slave Kristin) had a 14 hour stop-over in New York City at JFK airport.

Allow me to take you on a photographular-spectacle-tour-of-NYC-of-photo-proportions!

May 5th
Surviving on 3 hours of sleep, Kristin crashes at Halifax International Airport before the voyage begins and her “power-nap” quickly becomes an out-cold invitation for molestation.

We entered JFK, and passed by customs with not so much as a finger up either of our butts. Good start!

Shortly after, Kristin grabbed some coffee to make herself mildly tolerable, and a portly Cuban man convinced us that his shuttle service (titled Super Shuttle) was the way to go. We hopped in and were on our way to Times Square.

Upon arrival, it is discovered that New York City hates epileptics…

Me being disgusted by a man dressed in a duck-suit…

Being my first time in NYC, I handed the navigational duties over to Kristin who claimed to “know the city”.

She determined we would bypass Al Roker and his Good Morning America friends and head straight for Central Park.

Here is an excerpt of some dialogue between two New York City citizens that we observed…

Biker: On your right!

The Biker passes on his left.

Man: Wrong side, mother fucka!


“You’re gonna make some sort of sexual joke about that picture, aren’t you?” –Kristin Slaney referring to the bag of honey roasted nuts, with the tag-line “Nuts 4 Nuts” on it… What a slut.

Apparently, Central Park is the world’s largest man-made park; but with Harlem on the other end of it, who bothered to find out? Badum-pish!


Back to civilization…

And by civilization, I mean the giant 3-storey Disney Store. Magical!

Kristin getting molested again…

Me giving consent…

Oh Cruella…

All this magic and wonder lead to the buildup of some mean hunger pains. It was onto the Café Edison (AKA The Polish Tea Room).

This was where most of Avenue Q & Neil Simon’s 45 Seconds From Broadway were written. I don’t know either of these shows, but there seemed to be some pretty good mojo working for the place, so I decided to haul out my notepad and continue writing my top-secret epic feature film.


Kristin decides it’s onto Chinatown where she promises I will have many opportunities to haggle with Chinamen (her terminology, not mine).

Here she is using her know-how, to figure out the subway route to Chinatown…

Unfortunately, one hour later I discover that she is full of shit when we are lost in (you guessed it) the mother-fuckin’ Bronx. For whatever reason, rather than getting off of the subway and switching tracks, she thought that staying on would get us to Chinatown eventually.

It didn’t. We ended up deep in the Bronx. The mother-fucking Bronx, man.

There are no photos from this 2-hour endeavor because I was busy playing the role of “Scared Whitey #1”.

After some friendly directions from a friendly man named Robbie, we were well on our way to [hopefully] friendly Chinatown…

None of the people appearing in the following photograph granted me permission to use their photograph. They were total assholes about it.

It’s sort of like the Bridgewater Exhibition, but instead of drunks, you have people who likely-are-concealing-weapons; and instead of cotton candy, there’s Chinamen (and women).

Here we are celebrating our haul: cheap sunglasses!

The sun began to set behind the buildings surrounding us, and our flight was scheduled to depart in a few hours, so we caught a subway back to JFK to get some soup and chill.

...NYC whooped my ass.

Tour of Brasil of-photo-proportions coming soon!